Would You Rather Lose Your Arm or Your Leg?
Putting limb loss in perspective.
My go-to answer is neither.
I wouldn’t use this question at your typical cocktail party to engage guests in witty conversation. However, at the National Amputee Coalition Conference it seemed just off-centered and genuine enough to suck complete strangers into an honest thought exercise.
Typical questions fielded by amputees
#1 How did you lose your limb?
That one is a Pandora’s Box.
The answer is often heartbreaking. I don’t recommend asking this question unless you know the person and even then, sometimes it’s “a conversation that calls for a little more than a coffee cup.” Thank you Garth Brooks. But if you are prepared and ready to listen, it can give amazing insight into resolve, a journey and a quiet strength.
#2 How long have you been an amputee?
If you are really curious, “how long have you been an amputee” opens the door but not too wide. This question gives the power to the amputee to expound — or not.
#3 What, if any, prosthetic devices do you use?
Unless you are a prosthetist or an amputee yourself, question #3 is usually asked by an intrigued child. It is a great question for learning. It pulls the the curtain back on the mystery of prosthetic devices and normalizes the unknown for many people.
Some parent’s eyes get wide when their child just blurts it out, but it rarely, if ever, offends an amputee when it is asked with genuine kindness and curiosity.
The loss of an arm.
Why would anyone say they would choose the loss of an arm over a leg?
I met Dan, a lovely bilateral upper limb amputee (both arms), and without hesitation he said, “I would rather lose my arm.” He expressed his joy of mobility. He hikes and walks everyday in southern California and cannot imagine a world without his legs.
He has made peace with the frustration he overcomes on a daily basis without his arms. It seemed like a source of pride and confidence to accomplish what he wants to do even without the convenience of hands.
The world is geared for mobil people.Those without hands seem to recognize it and covet the use of their legs. They are practicing gratitude and gaining perspective.
The loss of a leg.
Others were emphatic they would rather lose a leg.
They would make a list of everyday activities they would find difficult to impossible if they didn’t have both hands. I get it. I would be living a life filled with velcro. Just thinking of all the ways my food consumption would be hampered makes me hungry.
Yes, prosthetic feet and legs have come a long way, but are you sure you would choose the loss of a leg?
Interestingly, most arm amputees would rather lose their arm while most leg amputees would rather lose their leg. Maybe it is comfort in what you know. Or could it be that people living with limb loss develop a unique perspective for the limbs they still have?
“I only lost one leg.”
Things you only heard at an amputee conference.
People look around and see many others with multiple amputations. The gratitude for only losing one limb becomes heart felt. After the initial “which would you rather”, the conversation moves to more intense possible realities.
And then a quadruple amputee enters the room.
Quadruple amputees have a different perspective.
This guy confidently strolled into the conference hall with no natural limbs, but four prosthetics. He walked better than the masses of his non-amputee age group. He was an accomplished golfer, a fun loving guy, and I think he may have even hit on me.
I did not ask him if he would rather lose a leg or lose an arm. The answer was clear to anyone one who had the opportunity to share his company: what difference does it make?
Change your perspective to change your mind.
I am not an amputee. My husband refers to me as the four limbed freak.
He told me a long time ago that if he hadn’t lost his hand when he was 19 he would have lost it somewhere else along the way.
I guess perspective truly is a person’s reality.
My answer is still neither. Yours?